Coping with death and grief is a natural part of life, but addressing such heavy topics with children is something no parent ever wants to go through. After losing both her father and grandmother at a young age, Danica Thurber, an alumna of WSU, was inspired to self-published her book, “Lulu Faces Loss And Finds Encouragement,” a children’s novel that teaches kids how to deal with grief.
“I wrote this book as a resource that I wish I had when I had gone through loss. … I think that’s why those books don’t exist, we want to protect our children, and that’s the last book we want to buy for them when something horrible about a situation happens,” Thurber said. “You need to talk to kids about hard things and prepare them well for the tragic things that will happen in their lives.”
“Lulu Faces Loss And Finds Encouragement” follows a young girl, Lulu, who watches her grandmother slowly pass as time goes on. When developing the character, Thurber says she based Lulu’s story on her own experiences, wanting to provide children with proper insights when dealing with the loss of a family member.
Before graduating from WSU Pullman in 2013, Thurber practiced ministry in college, and was involved with a ministry group where other members had also dealt with the loss of their parents. During her time there, Thurber discovered therapeutic techniques to help others deal with their own grieving experiences. Currently living in Boise, Idaho, she now works as an art ministry director and is the founder of Project Grief, an organization that offers classes for grievers on how to use art as an expression when dealing with loss.
“I am a huge believer in art and healing, as a theme that goes together. … Personally, I like to say loss takes us beyond words, and so we have to go beyond words in order to heal,” Thurber said. “I discovered the role of art and healing for myself when I was in ministry … from there I developed my website, my business called Project Grief, and from there writing the children’s book.”
“You need to talk to kids about hard things and prepare them well for the tragic things that will happen in their lives.” – Danica Thurber
The children’s book had been a concept in the works for nearly 11 years. Instead of waiting for the opportunity to formally publish her book, Thurber decided it would be best to self-publish for her own creative control. With the help of her husband, Tony Thurber, she was able to put the book together by making executive decisions independent of a publishing company. Also serving as the illustrator for her book, Thurber could then select her choices of colors and editing decisions in terms of writing and organization.
While the book takes readers through Lulu’s grief journey and the loss of her grandmother, it also reigns in Thurber’s passion for art. Her book not only showcases colorful illustrations, but an opportunity for kids to interact with its content. By including a craft project, children can make their own paper “encouragement flowers” to follow along with Lulu, who completes the same craft in the story. Since flowers are a common gift to share with those who are in the hospital, and flowers made of paper do not wilt, Lulu’s “encouragement flowers” serve as a lasting handmade present to her grandmother. By making the flower craft in the story, children can process their feelings of grief through art, allowing them to project hope and encouragement onto others.
Thurber explains the decision to include a craft project in the book stems from her goal to help kids grieve through art. Thurber states the “encouragement flowers” craft was inspired by a very personal event that happened before her grandmother passed. While her grandmother was sick, Thurber reached out to family and friends through email, asking them to send kind words or prayers. She would then collect those messages on paper for her prayer box. Thurber gave the box to her grandmother in hospice, who had later requested to be buried with the box.
“It meant so much to me that I was able to give encouragement to my grandma, that was a tangible thing I could do. … I think Lulu needed that action [of creating encouragement flowers] to give her grandma support, to let her know that she was there. Those tangible things were what meant the most to Lulu, even after her grandma died. I have that memory of the prayer box, and Lulu receives the encouragement flowers back at the end, as a tangible thing to remind her of her grandma’s memory,” Thurber said.
When experiencing the loss of a close family member or friend, expressing emotions in a healthy way can be a difficult task. The mourning process is different for everyone, but talking with others, locating a support system or finding a creative outlet to help cope with grief, are all options to help facilitate the natural process of grieving. Although Thurber’s book is best suited for children, she states anyone can gain something from Lulu’s journey.
Olivia is a senior studying English at WSU Vancouver.